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Monday Malcontent I

Monday is a good day for complaining. People are in a foul mood anyway, so I might as well get things off my chest right away and get on with my week. A cleansing rant, if you will.

i h8 teh internet

I hate the internet. Yes, I know, I use it every day, and benefit from it in many ways. Still, I hate it. There are many reasons to hate the internet. Here is a short list:

•Pornography.
•Omnipresent ads for pills that promise to compensate for several varieties of inadequacy.
•Dubious news sources.
•Joke e-mails forwarded from friends and relatives who would never trouble themselves to actually write me a “Hi, how are you?” letter. It’s a non-lethal form of friendly fire – friendly spam.
•Show-offs pretending they know Latin.
Et cetera ad infinitum.

As offensive as those things are, what irritates me even more, because it is everywhere and inescapable, and so easy to correct, is the deplorable illiteracy that is not only rampant, but fashionable. Laziness is now “cool.” While colloquialisms are acceptable in casual speech, proper grammar is still expected. For formal speech and written work, the standard is higher. This is just a short list of corrections, in no particular order:

•The following are not words: b, c, f, k, m, n, r, u, y.
•1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, & 0 are not words or even partial words.
•First words of sentences and proper nouns & pronouns are capitalized.
•Paragraph breaks are a good thing.
•My name is not “Dude.”
Alot is not a word. A large number or quantity is a lot.
•When a point is abstract or purely academic, without practical significance, it is not mute, it is moot.
•If you were speaking to someone, and they said something funny, would you say “lol,” or even “laugh out loud?” Of course not; you would say, “That’s funny,” or something similar to that. You also would not say “IMO” or “IMHO.”
•The third commandment is still broken even when your blasphemy is abbreviated.
•Proofread, then proofread again. Are you sure? Alright, you may now click “submit” or “publish.”
•Etc. Feel free to add to the list.

I suppose a rant like this will cause my own writing to come under greater scrutiny, and that is only fair (you better believe I spell-checked this post). In fact, I welcome it. I’m sure my writing is not flawless, and if anyone wants to correct my grammar, spelling, or what not, please do so.

I am fairly libertarian, but I would gladly support a cabinet-level position of Secretary of Grammar. The Department of Grammar would be made up of English teachers who would monitor the internet, giving a grade to every article posted. Any blogger who could not maintain a B average would be shut down until he could pass a comprehensive English grammar and spelling test.

In conclusion, let me leave you with this thought: aren’t you glad you don’t live with me?

2005-10-10 at 12:01 AM MT | |




Blogger Carla sayth,

Well, for a malcontent, you're pretty accurate.

I couldn't find anything in that post I disagreed with.

SDG,
Carla

10/10/2005 4:32 AM  
Blogger Loki Odinsson sayth,

Oh, come on! That's no fun!

10/10/2005 7:29 AM  
Blogger centuri0n sayth,

Dude: ru crazy? "centuri0n" is on my birth certificate.

fwiw, b/c ur kewl, bbl.

And I liked Carla's old picture better.

10/11/2005 8:52 AM  
Blogger Loki Odinsson sayth,

You have a birth certificate? I thought the light emanating from your body meant you were from another world.

10/11/2005 10:14 AM  
Blogger Raggle-Taggle Gypsie sayth,

Heh heh. Sir, you rock. (I know that's not exactly dignified English, but it's what came to mind.)May I proffer a sincere "Amen" concerning all material made public on this blog in the previous entry titled "Monday Malcontent I."
- Gypsie

10/11/2005 10:44 AM  
Blogger Raggle-Taggle Gypsie sayth,

Oh, in addition, I just read the entry concerning your beliefes, doctrine, religion, and other additional subjects. Everything I understood, (heh) I agreed with.... Though I must admit I am only occasionally in the mood for classical music such as you lauded. Also, I wonder exactly why you believe in a pretribulation rapture? Not to cause trouble (Ok, that's not necicarily true...), but why?
- Gypsie

10/11/2005 10:53 AM  
Blogger Carla sayth,

lol, cent, your picture gives me the creeps.

No offense, eh? It's the wiggly eyebrow, it's just not right.

10/11/2005 12:12 PM  
Blogger Loki Odinsson sayth,

Gypsie, you are the first to question my theology. Good for you.

First, I must be clear that eschatology is the division of theology that I am the least dogmatic about, mostly because it is the area in which I am the least confidant of my position.

I have read the positions of pre-, mid-, and posttribulationalists, and I am simply not convinced at all by the mid- and post- positions, while the pretribulational position makes the most sense to me.

The pretrib rapture is based in part on Revelation 3:10 – “Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth.”

Now I’m going to expose my eschatology in all its naked glory. While the Scriptural proof given by pretrib theologians is convincing to me, I do not have a good enough grasp of it to be dogmatic about it. My confidence in the pretrib position is largely a confidence in the theologians who teach it. My reasoning is as follows, points 1 and 2 being nonnegotiable:

1. The Bible is the literal Word of God.
2. The Bible is correctly interpreted by the literal grammatical-historical hermeneutic method only.
3. Theologians who agree with the former points most often conclude that the rapture will be pretrib, and their reasoning seems good to me.
4. Therefore, until I am convinced otherwise, I’m going with the pretrib view, but I won’t arm-wrestle you for it.

For a less lame explanation, read The Second Coming by John MacArthur and Basic Theology by Charles Ryrie.

10/11/2005 12:41 PM  
Blogger Loki Odinsson sayth,

P.S.

You're also the first to say I "rock." I told my kids, and they burst out laughing. I don't quite know how to take that.

10/11/2005 1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous sayth,

OK. For all of you who found this sick and purposless rant amusing, let me just warn you;Being this absessive about something as unimportant as grammar can be extremeley dangeruos. You may think this is just a monday thing. No. thats how these things always begin. But I doubt you will find this amusing or harmless when you wake up one morning and find yourself charging your unfortunate children a dollar (yes, a whole dollar)every time they use the word like 'improperley' or flying into a maniacl rage every time the word dude is uttered by anyone on your property, related to you or not.Now, Im sure there are some of you who wuold say that this post is a souls desparate cry for help and therapy, Iwholeheartedley agree. In closing, Iwuold just like to say:arent you glad you dont live with my dad????P.S. He does not rock.(and Im not exactly sure if 'you rock' is a proper sentence anyway.)

10/11/2005 8:13 PM  
Blogger Loki Odinsson sayth,

Tch. "Sweet sixteen," indeed. Alright, Sarah, for that little outburst you get a D. I would give it an F, but then you'd have to do it over. See how gracious I am? Now run along to bed. You've got a big day tomorrow. We're going to do some extra English lessons. Bwahahahahahaha! I love you, sweetheart.

10/11/2005 8:29 PM  
Blogger Brad sayth,

I would be all for a cabinet level panel on grammar as well. However, the problem would be finding people to occupy it. Teachers who are of the age to recall correct grammar and monitor it are also of the age of hearing aids and walkers.

10/16/2005 5:03 AM  
Blogger Loki Odinsson sayth,

Brad, I'll keep you in mind for the job when I'm elected President.

10/16/2005 8:22 AM